The October Diaries: Sorority House Massacre
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The October Diaries: Dead Silence
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The October Diaries 2014
The Whiteman Brothers and friends celebrate The 31 Days of Halloween by reserving the living room exclusively for horror films that no one in the room has seen. Sean and Christof (and sometimes guests!) write quick first impressions about the films while honorary Whiteman brother, Max Brown, makes an illustration for each of the new-to-us horror movies.
October 1: The Town That Dreaded Sundown
October 2:Â Dead Silence
October 3:Â Sorority House Massacre
October 4: The Keep
October 5: Deadly Friend
October 6: Cat People
October 7: The Initiation
October 8: The Company of Wolves
October 9: Night of the Demons
October 10: Sole Survivor
October 11: Wait Until Dark
October 12: The Conjuring
October 13: Eyes of Fire
October 14: Next of Kin
October 15: Schizo
October 16: Hardware
October 17: Society
October 18: I, Madman
October 19: Curse of Chucky
October 20: The Hand
October 21: Someone’s Watching Me!
October 22: Something Evil
October 23: Insidious
October 24: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
October 25: Eyes of a Stranger
October 26: Bad Biology
October 27: The Sacrament
October 28: You’re Next
October 29: Poltergeist II: The Other Side
October 30: All Cheerleaders Die
October 31: God Told Me To
The October Diaries: The Town That Dreaded Sundown
ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE: Jarmusch as Vampirically Cool Genre Equalizer
Jim Jarmusch is cool. Very few would have the misguided nerve to argue against this claim. His writing is cool, his directing is cool and his hair is very cool. His scripts seem to be written with the implicit intent of being undersold while his directing technique routinely undermines flash and outright refuses to sizzle. He often casts musicians like Tom Waits (who might be the epitome of cool) in leading roles and he is never afraid to let a shot linger glacially long enough to outlast contemporary audience expectations of what is appropriate.
Jarmusch is cool enough that venues should consider starting his movies an hour after the listed showtime in order to allow the images to arrive fashionably late to the eyeballs.
Illustration by Max Brown
Tony Scott, Dead at 68
Director Tony Scott died today. If that’s not enough of a bummer, he committed suicide by jumping off The Vincent Thomas Bridge.
Fuck. I’m genuinely sorry to break the news to you. It was certainly bizarre and shitty news to receive. Tony Scott is dead. And it’s awful to think about.
Instead of obsessing over and speculating on why he would do such a thing, let’s take a moment and a few hundred words to remember the awesome movies this British-born director made and their part in helping to build a genre that is now an American tradition.
Scott left behind numerous icons of badass cinema such as, Top Gun, Beverly Hills Cop 2, Crimson Tide, Days of Thunder, The Last Boy Scout, Enemy of the State, Man On Fire, and most notably, True Romance, his most acceptional and well-rounded film.
(Note: I haven’t seen them all, but you can bet I’ll get around to it.)
Many attribute the film’s greatness to the fact that it was written by Quentin Tarantino (who may or may not have subtly or blatantly taken much of it from Roger Avary), but there is a controlled, human element to the film that Tarantino’s superb direction would never have been able achieve. Tony Scott took a great script and turned it into a masterpiece of modern narrative cinema. And in my opinion, the excellent films of his brother, Ridley Scott – movies that tend to be more involved, epic, emotionally weighty, and much, much more revered – do not hold a candle to how full, rich and complete True Romance is.
Odds are the death of Tony Scott, a semi-known B-movie, popcorn flick director isn’t going to mean much to most people, but film nerds, action aficionados, and popcorn lovers everywhere will surely feel that, even though Tony’s heyday of 80’s action has long since been over, an era has ended tonight.
Say what you will about his later films, but unlike many filmmakers, Tony Scott never seemed to slow down. In fact, stylistically, he seemed to accelerate. Visually, his later films were always an intense and enjoyable sight to see. Perhaps they could be overwrought or decadent with in-your-face cuts, color saturation, canted angles, and unnecessary subtitles flying around (Man On Fire and his short film, Beat The Devil come to mind) – but, man, sometimes you just need to lick the frosting off the cake.
Anthony Scott was a damn frosting artist, and for that, he will always have the love, admiration, and respect of The Whiteman Brothers.
Tony Scott
1944 – 2012
Ghost (1990) // Chrisjof’s Audition Tape
Ghost (1990) is a great film — don’t get me wrong. It’s got a lot of heart and tension and supernature in it. But let’s face it: Ghost (1990) is not perfect. It’s CLOSE, but it’s not quite there. This is why Chrisjof thought it would be a good idea to audition for it. Add some zest to the dish.
You might say, “Chrisjof, how in the heck are you planning on being in Ghost (1990) when it is 2012 out here?!”
And the obvious answer is: the magic of motion pictures, babe. Anything can happen. Didn’t you see Jurassic Park (1993) or Shallow Hal (2001), huh?
Magic, babe. Pure magic.
In this audition tape, Chrisjof is hoping to be cast as the role of Patrick Swayze’s character — you know the one. The ghost-ish one. With the good hair.
Please watch this painstaking performance, and share it with your friends. If we get this thing going viral, we might be able to change some minds in Hollywood, and the next thing you know, you’ll be popping in the Ghost (1990) DVD cassette and Chrisjof will be getting freaky with Demi Moore and that moist, moist pottery.
Well, let’s get into it:
“I can’t believe I’m a fuckin’ ghoster-strudel!” — Sam “Patrick Swayze” Wheat in Ghost (1990)
48. Comix
It’s not really for anyone to say. Do I lose sleep because I think too much? Or do I think too much because I have trouble falling sleep? It’s not really for anyone to say. Do I lose sleep…. or do I think too much….
Sometimes when I’m waiting for sleep I think of something. Somethings the something reminds me of something else and so on. Other times, the something will remind me of itself and so on in a circle. Both are responsible for not fall asleep sooner in that they go on for mile. Miles of the heart.
The only tested and proven method for impeding either from internal means is to break the thought, take one shard of the thought, and stuff it into a box. A one dimensional box. A frame really. And I see how it might want to continue its story into yet another frame until its a panel or two long and some form of resolution can be interpreted through the instance of a realization. Whatever the arc may be, sleep comes easier when I’ve gone over it.
Silence of satisfaction.
When the waking comes, I can never remember any of the words or images, save for slim slivers that lead to nothing, but frustration. Instead of writing or doodling them down on paper when they are fresh, I convince myself I’ll remember them if I think about it while still lying in bed. The only thin I can remember is that they are brilliant. Should I sacrifice sleep to be a known genius? Or should I be a closeted genius who is more rested?
It’s not really for anyone to say.
Portland Comedy: Chrisjof’s Stand Up // “Children’s Store” Routine
Portland Comedy:Â For just about a year now, Chrisjof (who is not Christof Whiteman, but they are similar dudes — I mean, they are only a consonant away from one another) has been performing at stand-up comedy open mic nights at places like Helium, Funhouse Lounge, and the occasional art museum (more on this another time). Chrisjof has expressed disdain toward the term “stand up comedy” and much prefers to think of it as “comedy whilst standing”, but let’s not let that bum us out. Life’s just too short for that shit, man.
This performance was at the Funhouse Lounge, a lovely venue in SE Portland that crams comedy, music, and improvised theater (among other things) into every action-packed week.
Christof Whiteman’s routine takes on very hot-button issues such as Children’s Stores and Fat Babies and Making Fat Babies.
In the immortal words of 2 Unlimited, “Y’all ready for this?!”
Click dat for Portland Comedy!