30. Elixir

The Knight knelt, head ‘gainst the gilded hilt of his upright sword. He begged of the shrouded witch, “What must I do to find the secret to eternal life, m’lady?”

A rictus revealed teeth the color of ash as she sprinkled ground nettle and human hair into her gurgling cauldron, and she finally spoke – a pitch of voice one could almost feel, a scent of breath one could almost see – “You wish to earn it, yes?”

“Of course, m’lady.”

“Very well.” She giggled as do those who possess both secret knowledge and great insanity. “You must venture deep into the Dark Wood, through the quizzical web of the Riddle Spider, onward you shall trudge through the Swamp of Bones, up you must climb the rocky face of Memory Mountain, from the top of which you will dive into the Pools of Grand Illusion, and finally, when you have dried off in the Forest of Forgotten Towels, you will see a bush unlike any other, one that almost seems to be alive in the way you and I are alive. And though it will howl in fierce agony, you must break its branches! And when the moisture begins to form, you’ll know what to do next…”

“What, m’lady? What shall I next do? I mustn’t leave a thing up to chance.”

The flames beneath the cauldron grew brighter, lighting up her previously hidden eyes – black eyes that could see all!

“You must suckle the honey-blood from the man-brambles!”

“Oh. Suckle?”

“Like a babe, and like one you shall remain… for eternity!”

“And how? How does this honey-blood serve as an elixir – as a panacea, m’lady?”

“Well… it’s very high in antioxidants, don’t’cha know?

“Bwah-huh?”

“You can’t expect to live forever without killing a few free radicals first. DUH!”

And then they made out, as per their arrangement.

 

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