46. Abnegate

“Love handles will be love-handled when you use Generic Weight Loss Pill MAX. Studies show that over 66% of weight lost is pure fat!”

First of all, that means 67%.  It’s too close to 65 to claim that it’s “almost 70%” – they must reserve that sort of claim for studies that show an average of 68%. If it claimed “over 70%”, then maybe it could be all the way up to 72% fat loss, assuming they were looking for a good, strong number divisible by 10 to be “over”, but this isn’t even close to that as on option. There is something desperate in saying, “over 66%”, because it’s a technique relying on the stupidity of its viewers. Either that or it is communicating with the desperation in a person not quite that stupid, but overwhelmed enough with their situation that they actively ignore such a warning.

Secondly, what is responsible for the rest of the weight? Water, sure, a little. Muscle-burning? Bone loss? Whatever is being lost cannot be good. When dealing with a pill that mysteriously removes “weight” from your body, it should absolutely not be trusted when boasting a fat-burning rate that’s anywhere below 80% – and in my mind 80% is still desperate, but not as obviously so. 90% would be the minimum for someone like me to actually use this product, but even numbers in the eighties are such trustworthy, happy numbers when applied to ratio. I think many people – myself not included – would respond well to an 82 or even a confident 88%, which I’d trust over 89% any day.

“…and that is why we are offering you a no-risk 30-day Free Trial when you call in the next ten minutes.”

Listen, I’ll have to call you back. Apparently if I call in the next 10 minutes, I can try this garbage out for free. No risk.

 

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