13. Thole

Marvin and Frinkle had just sat down for breakfast at their usual booth, in their usual diner. Their usual waitress, Esther, stopped by the table and gurgled, “Well, well, well – look what the two cats dragged in. What’ll ya have?”

“The usual,” Marvin and Frinkle said. And then both tried to act fast, saying, “Jinks! You owe me a Shasta Cola!”

The two shared a polite laugh, and Esther threw up in her mouth and then swallowed it.

“I guess I’ll be buying Frinkle a Shasta Cola,” said Marvin.

“And I suppose I’m buying Marvin a Shasta Cola of his own,” said Frinkle.

Esther left before Marvin and Frinkle shared another cordial giggle, and then returned afterward with two Shasta Colas.

“Thanks, Esther. Now, Frinkle, where did we leave off last time?”

“Criminy, I don’t know. Something stupid like the meaning of life or something equally as presumptuous, I’m sure.”

“Oh, yes, let’s talk about that. The meaning of life will do just fine.”

“Come off it, Marv.”

“Come off what, Frink? I think it’s something worth talking about. It’s a little out there, sure. But it’s almost recklessly large in scope, so why not?”

“Because then we’ll be a couple of lizards.”

“Look at us, Frinkle. We’re getting old, we’re comfortably poor, and we talk all day long – we’re already a couple of lizards. Go on, tell me: what’s the meaning of life?”

“Nonono: this is your big topic of the day. The Meaning of Life by Marvin. Go.”

“Alright, lets see: I’d like to think the meaning of life is something both unknown, but also somehow always known, you know? Like something wordless, cosmic, and inherent in all things – all materials of the universe. In every subpart of every thing. And in all the subparts of every subpart. Something that’s fuckin’ huge in one sense and beyond microscopic in another.”

A dish breaks somewhere, and Esther wakes up and wanders into the kitchen.

“Scale it down a little, Marvin.”

“Okay, okay: it’s not that I think there’s a God in any conventional sense of the word – not like some king of the clouds or nothing – but, yes, I think there’s something out there that’s larger than us.”

“Like an elephant?”

“Suck on a rock, you son of a toilet.”

“Marv: scale it down.”

“Ah, Christ. Okay, the point of life is to-”

Marvin stalled to smile at Esther, who was approaching.

“The Early Bird Special for you,” Esther mumbled moistly to Marvin, and then set down his plate of: bacon, two eggs sunny-side-up, a biscuit with gravy, a side of hash browns, and Texas toast with a slice of American cheese sort-of melted on top. “And the number four for you.” Esther coughed, burped, hiccuped, then coughed again before finally setting down Frinkle’s place of: four cigarettes, four matches, and an ashtray.

“Thanks, Esther,” said Frinkle, a cigarette already in his mouth. He struck the match, lit the cigarette, inhaled, said, “Alright, she’s gone – tell me the point of life”, and exhaled.

“The point is to grow, to become aware, to learn as much as you can about yourself and the whole experience of life as possible. While! While knowing full well that you’ll never know everything.”

“Oh yeah?” Frinkle blew a beam of smoke at Marvin as he was sprinkling hot sauce on his eggs. “To what end?”

“Are you kidding me? To the end. Death.”

“And what’s the meaning of death?”

“Death is… life.”

“Christ.”

“Alright, hang on a minute.” Marvin dipped a piece of bacon in egg yoke and then in gravy, took a bite, and pushed his eyebrows together as he chewed. “Right, okay, so the point of death is making way for new life. It’s letting everything you’ve learned and felt be added to the whole fabric of everything. It’s about your body becoming one with the earth and your soul becoming one with the universe.”

Stamping out the cigarette in the ashtray, Frinkle should his head slowly, and lit another.

“What?” Marvin asked this with an edge in his voice, punctuated by clink-dropping his fork onto his plate. “Am I not ‘scaling back’ enough for you? Huh? How about you try taking a shot? Go ahead, Frinki-dink, what’s the meaning of life?”

“It is what it is, Marvin. Ain’t no meaning to it.”

“Very wise words, you old lizard. Care to elaborate?”

“Not really.”

Frinkle smoked in silence save for the sound of Marvin’s silverware cutting food into bites and almost chipping the plate beneath.

“Okay!” Marvin stopped dividing his eggs. “Tell me, what’s the point of life to a guy like you?”

“Oh, pretty much the same as what you said. Point is doing whatever you got to do, thinking whatever you got to think… to just… get through the damn thing.”

Marvin thought on this while wearing the face of someone who had to sniff excrement like doing so was his job. Frinkle used the cigarette he was smoking to light the next one on his plate, then slid the last one behind his ear and pocketed the extra matches.

Esther came by with the check and wiped spittle from her chin before grunting and asking, “Either of you boys got an extra kidney you ain’t using? Also, are either of you in the market for a new one?”

 

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